Daring to Feel Joy
Good Morning, dear question askers.
I’ve noticed a phenomenon this past week. I’m catching up with someone and they confess that they’ve done, bought or made something “frivolous” or “stupid.” It’s everything from going on a long drive, mixing an elaborate cocktail or buying a single piece of mango cheesecake. I’ve done it, too. I hooked my Spotify up to my TV and now my music is able to waft through the whole house - a circumstance that has made me so happy and yielded more than a few dancing jags. I hesitated to confess how much (stupid) joy this brought me, embarrassed by my own momentary foolishness.
But, right now feeling joy IS daring. Brené Brown talks about how all our emotions are held in the same vault, let’s say. And the key to accessing that vault is the ability to be vulnerable. And right now? Being vulnerable is a lot to ask of people who are just trying to navigate life in a time of trauma, loss, and lay offs. But, even then? Let’s say you allow yourself to feel vulnerable and open the vault to grab a moment of joy. But, joy isn’t the only emotion inside that vault. All of the emotions are in there tangled up together: Grief is in there, too. Hurt. Regret. Worry. Guilt. Rage. Belonging. Empathy. Anxiety. Love.
So, grabbing a moment of joy opens the possibility that a little hurt will get stuck to it. Or maybe a burst of shame will charge the vault’s door as you’re trying to experience love or belonging. So, what do we do? We decide it’s safer to keep the vault closed until we get through this.
But, that’s not how we work, we inconveniently human humans. You can’t just keep pushing the REMIND ME LATER button like your emotions are a notification to update software. We’re feeling feelings whether we want to acknowledge it or not, they’re just sneaking out of the vault in other ways: trying to control everything, nitpicking, numbing, the smallest comment triggers explosions of anger, hurt or shame. (I’ve done all of these, the last one one just this past Friday.)
So from where I’m sitting going on a long drive, mixing an elaborate cocktail, getting that perfect piece of mango cheesecake or just dancing it out is the bravest thing any of us can do right now.
Each Monday morning, I’ll gather:
❤️relaxing tools
🤩stuff to watch, read and listen to
🤝great follows on social media
🌈 music to soothe
🕯calming things
*****
❤️
Here’s some coffeeshop ambiance for your background pleasure (thanks to Joe for this)
How about some Cozy Cabin Ambience?
What about a Campfire under the Stars?
Linking to this great Sweater Weather Instrumentals playlist again even though it’s DEFINITELY not sweater weather. (thanks again to Robin for this one)
🤩
Dear lord, Old Guard is GREAT.
And this is probably a great time to rewatch Gina Prince-Bythewood’s Love and Basketball again.
These words by Rachel Cargle resonated deep. “The sun will greet me there. I know it.” <— phewwwww.
Now that we’ve all watched The Babysitter’s Club, it’s time to watch the great Claudia Kishi Club documentary (featuring none other than Sarah Kuhn!)
🤝
Follow Black Girls Surf for all things surfing, beach and ocean-y.
Follow Bloom and Plume for glorious flowers and beautiful photographs.
Follow Compton Cowboys for all things horses and then go pre-order their book to learn more.
🌈
🕯
Lately, I’ve been having to write LITERALLY EVERYTHING DOWN because my memory is just GONE. I’ve been wanting to try Ink + Volt and I got this journal and I LOVE IT. The paper feels so good and I actually really like the soft cover after having been a hardcover girl for a long time.
Also, this is the fountain pen I use daily (because of course I do) that, I FEEL, has the lowest (and least expensive) point of entry for fountain pens. Also, Jet Pens? IS DANGEROUS. (I aspire to Lamy… one day… one day)
Last week, I took a virtual tea class from Tea Pigs (which was A DELIGHT) and learned of their blog with a TON of recipes on it. Some good stuff on there.
I wasn’t drinking enough water, but I didn’t want to buy anything with single use plastic or spend the money for those monthly water companies. I did some digging around and found one of the bigger Brita filters and it’s working great.