Good morning you sniffling allergy-suffering bloomers.
So, let’s pick up my story from where we left off.
Those who’ve been following this newsletter for awhile will find themselves reading along very much like those who’d read The Red Wedding years before the scene aired on television.
(Deep breath)
It was the beginning of 2021 and after several long years, I’d finally cracked Book 9. Using what I’d (begrudgingly) learned from my epiphany about Mundane Magic and its revolutionary philosophy of allowing myself to disappear for awhile, be boring and go slow, I finished Act One by late spring of that same year. Now understanding that the Old Writer Me was different than the New Writer Me, I decided to switch my representation. The process took me several months. But, by October I had an Act One I was in love with, and a new agent whose truly inspiring notes made me downright giddy to dive back into a world I was quickly falling in love with.
And then on November 5th, 2021 I was diagnosed with cancer. The end of 2021 was a fugue state. One that I still haven’t fully processed.
(Deep breath)
But on January 3rd, 2022 I sat down at my desk and wrote 114 words. The next day I wrote 77. And the next day I wrote 8… and bit by bit, The Winters was born:
When I look back at my journals from this time, I see quotes like, “…feel like I can do this” and “I’ve got it” and “great writing morning” intermixed with “meeting with City of Hope” and “weary, sad…possible cancer back” and “anxiety so bad, feel like I can’t escape it?” But, I could also see someone putting up a fucking fight. Fighting to stay in those golden mornings where Me and Writing hid away from all the bad stuff - clinging to one another as the storm raged just beyond.
But, I knew I could go slow. That I could disappear and trust myself to find magic in those boring, blue hazy suburban mornings. That I still got to feel joy and purpose even in the middle of all this. That if I just kept showing up, I could write 8 words one day and the sky wouldn’t fall. Because what I learned during this trial by fire of a very new working philosophy was that it was built for exactly this moment.
Mundane Magic was made for the storm.
Looking back, I can also see that there were three little emotional stowaways that proved pivotal during this particularly fraught time. First, it was hard to see, but I had to face where I REALLY was versus where I aspired to be. I had to see myself honestly. Because once I did that - the second little stowaway popped up: I stopped being so judgmental of myself. And in acknowledging how slow and broken I truly was, I found the third little stowaway: a loving softness for that honest and true self that changed how I spoke to myself every morning. I was so gentle. So patient. So loving. And whenever that internal, draconian task-master reared her ugly head - and she sure tried - it was like she was hitting a soft pillow. She just could NOT land a punch.
I wanted to share this story first because I think people tend to only communicate the inspiring part of a story and then just let the music swell rather than tell the truth about how hard and tenuous the execution of bringing forth that inspiration is on a daily basis.
And secondly, so many of us are weathering storms right now and have come to believe that we have to wait until after the storm when we’re a little less broken to do the softer, more vulnerable things that we hope will bring us joy and purpose. But, I am here to tell you that joy and purpose are for everyone.
Even those of us who are broken…we still have a little fight left in us.
Each month, I’ll gather:
🤩stuff to watch, read and listen to
🤝great follows on social media
🌈 music to soothe
🥑 good food and great places to eat and drink
🕯calming things
*****
🤩
I actually haven’t had this happen for YEARS. I turned on the first episode of Beef. I remember taking in the bins and it being light outside and then all the sudden it was 12:41AM. So, yes… it’s just as amazing as everyone says it is.
You know I’m a sucker for rockumentaries where people talk about their creative process - and THIS one was GREAT.
One of my favorite cozy mysteries is back for its second season, Sister Boniface is absolutely delightful.
Okay, but this one is also a favorite. Brokenwood Mysteries is back for its 9th season.
One of my goals for 2023 was to learn more* (*or anything really) about finance. Vivian Tu has been instrumental in me having the courage to take little baby deer leg steps and I was over the moon to hear that she started her own podcast, Networth and Chill.
On the same finance goal, my friend told me about this great book, Get Your Money Together. I’m reading it VERY slowly, but I’m liking it so far.
It’s the final season of Worth It and so many of my favorite people worked on this show and their brilliance shines through.
My sister and brother in law went on a road trip and used the National Park app and LOVED it - so many fun things, guided tours, everything… highly recommended.
🤝
Follow Isabella Rossellini for life goals.
Follow Giselle Buchanan for art, writing and all around culture.
Follow Sarah Ahn to watch her mother be the most brilliant chef you’ve ever seen.
🌈
🥑
I had the single best meal of the year at Monarch in the SGV.
My mom, niece and I ate at Mr. Piggies and it was frickin’ great. Highly recommended if you’re in LA/WAY Eastside area.
Mom and I were stuck at a stoplight and both of us smelled the divinity at the same time… this sublime BBQ aroma wafting around northwest Pasadena. I… this place… Mr. B’s BBQ. DEAR LORD. Go. GO. GO.
🕯
I tried some new daily use lip stuff and THIS is great, but also apparently be mindful when in the sun.
I also tried THIS lip mask for deeper repair and it’s great. I don’t know if I like it better than Laniege? But, I do know that it feels lighter and is a bit less sticky, but I still love Laniege.
My niece told me that These Pants were “the Pants of the Summer.” I bought one pair and goddamn if she wasn’t right. They’re so comfortable, they fall GREAT and they’re soft and light as a feather without feeling like crepey tissue paper. And? They have good pockets. (They fit true to size, but I’m pretty tall - about 5’10” - and the regular fits my height well, so govern yourself accordingly)
🥰 I am here. Together, we will endeavor to just do the next right thing. 🥰
See you on the last Monday of every month.
Thank you for this, I really needed it. I'm a fellow writer and I've been gifted ample time to write but im finding it so very difficult. I'll sit and the hours will tick away as I struggle. The words hit the page but at such a slow state. This is not the way it's supposed to be. The story's in my head all I have to do is write it down. Why can't I? Why can't I be as prolific as everyone else? Why am I failing?
You're email has been a breath of fresh air.
I'm not failing. I'm actually achieving. I'm showing up every day and words are happening even if it's just 8 words. My time is just slow right now and I need to accept that. Open the door on gentleness and close it on my inner voice of quantity matters.
Thank you again. ❤️