Good morning you springtime loveys.
I’ve been God’s own nail biter my whole life.
And then last year, I got this glimpse of my fingers - on one hand (heyo!) they were bloodied and ripped apart, but then there was this healing that my body was trying to do, stitching them back together so patiently just to have me rip them apart once again… and it kind of broke my heart.
So, from then on whenever I went to bite my nails, I MADE myself give my nail a little kiss instead. YES it’s cheesy, but it totally worked. Day after day, week after week and month after month of little kisses - and fine, maybe a nibble here and there - got me to having LITTTTLE white parts on my nails for the first time in decades. I went to my Mom’s lovely manicurist and she trimmed and cleaned them up for me, so that I wasn’t tempted to pick at them and after several months I had enough nail that I could finally get a color.
I chose red.
And then promptly freaked out because I didn’t recognize my own hands. Like I would look down and the red was SO LOUD and it made people look and I was getting compliments and they were SO visible and then after a few days, I found myself picking the red nail polish off. It was just too much.
And then I bit all my nails off.
Months passed, and I found myself once again sitting at my desk and about to bite my nails. But, there they were: bloodied, ripped apart and yet, still trying to heal and stitch themselves back together despite my best efforts. So, instead of biting … I gave them a little kiss. Days, weeks and months passed and there I was…. back at the nail salon being asked to pick a color.
I chose red.
It had been about six months since I’d gotten red the first time, but now… the red felt a little bit better. I recognized my own hands because I’d seen them like this before. I didn’t mind the bold color and people noticing it. I didn’t pick off the polish within days. And I didn’t bite them all off again (ish).
I think about this a lot because that desire to peel off the red nail polish was so visceral, that I didn’t even understand why I was doing it at the time. My nails were beautiful, so why did it bother me so much?
I talk about change a lot and looking back, I think my reaction had something to do with the RED of it all. It was too much change, too fast. And it surprised me, because it was a GOOD change, so I wasn’t ready for my reaction to be so oddly negative.
But, change is hard - whether it’s good or bad. It’s a shift from the familiar. From what I knew… from what I was comfortable with. It wasn’t a bad thing, but because it was uncomfortable - even though it was good - it felt bad.
And the moral of the story here isn’t to not choose red, it’s more about being gentle with yourself as you make that change. To go slow and steady as you stop hurting yourself, and instead give those old wounds little kisses. To be loving and easy as you grow to recognize these new colorful parts of yourself. To take baby steps as you get comfortable with your newfound visibility.
So, choose the red. But make sure that you’re choosing the version of red that’s right for you, and where are you are right now.
Each month, I’ll gather:
🤩stuff to watch, read and listen to
🤝great follows on social media
🌈 music to soothe
🥑 good food and great places to eat and drink
🕯calming things
*****
🤩
There’s a new season of Vera and they’ve brought back a familiar face!
I am a sucker for any and all conversations around the creative process, so I’ve been loving Suchwita - a 20-30 minute interview show Min Yoongi does with various artists over a drink of their choice. My favorites so far are with comedian, Cho Se-Ho and this one with Seventeen’s super producer, Lee Ji-Hoon. I’m only halfway through the 26 episodes, so I may have some new faves by the end.
Alyssa Cole has a NEW THRILLER out which I cannot wait to read. Her LAST thriller was incredible and now I’ve gone back and restarted her Reluctant Royals series and man oh man, what a delight.
Brian Derrick is one of my most trusted voices in politics today. He has a NEW PODCAST - Vibes Only - which is wonderful and if you’re looking for a way to get involved this year, his organization Oath is a great place to start.
Have some more lovely, twinkly morning music to listen to - give New Ancient Strings by Toumani Diabaté with Ballaké Sissoko a turn and while you’re at it, Derrick Gee has a lovely slow morning playlist called Gentle Hammer that’s wondrous.
We’ve got new albums from Kacey Musgraves, Ariana Grande and then of course, Beyoncé’s new album drops March 29th!
If you’re looking for a new young adult novel to dig into, Farrah Penn’s Cancelled just came out and it’s GREAT!
One of my favorite shows of 2023 was Netflix’s Physical 100 - it was SUCH an interesting conversation around mental and physical strength, along with lovely sportsmanship and really simple challenges that were SO compelling. And Season 2 is out!
I’m on the second season of Murder in Sweden (I think it’s also called Maria Wern in some regions?) on PBS and I’m liking it!
🤝
Follow TheSojournies for great travel content and (you knew this was coming) a lot of awesome trains.
Follow Ralph Tyndall for his lovely card making.
Follow Dr. Frederick Smith for writing, higher education and then go pre-order his book!
🌈
🥑
If you’re ever in LA, some of the best bread is Bub & Grandma’s and they even have a little sandwich place now and it’s SO GOOD.
I was so bummed to hear that Monarch, one of my favorite restaurants of 2023, closed. So my plan is to prioritize going to their flagship restaurant, Chifa, straight away.
Also, a Tartine opened in Pasadena!
And if you haven’t been to Agnes in Old Town Pasadena - it is WONDERFUL! It’s a GD cheesery for chrissakes. Highly recommend if you’re ever in town.
🕯
Last year we talked about the pants my niece dubbed, The Pants of the Summer - well THEY ARE BACK and? They’re on massive sale - for a little bit anyway.
So, we all know I have a favorite lip balm -which is currently out of stock everywhere i’m not panicking you’re panicking - but when I need something a bit more, I turn to THIS ONE.
Love!!! ❤️
Love! ❤️