The German Shepherd
Good Morning you crawling to the finish line beauties.
It begins in the quiet and exhaustion that overtakes us post-Christmas. The question takes hold in our bones with every exhale - getting louder and louder as we approach the end of the year. That question: What have I done in 2020 and how can I do* (*be) better in 2021? And mind you, this is never a KIND or GENEROUS inventory.
Elizabeth Gilbert used to say that her brain was like a German Shepherd roaming the house looking for something to chew - and if she didn’t throw her brain a bone, it’d tear up the couch.
This week? Is when we tear the shit out of the couch.
For me, it started yesterday. I took a drive up PCH and it started out honestly enough: 2020 has brought -with all its wrath - some very hard earned, inconvenient lessons about boundaries, time and energy that I would love to extend into the new year. But after that very slight pat on the back, thus began The List. The List of all the things I could be doing better, all the things I didn’t do in 2020, all the things I did wrong in 2020, all the things I chronicled throughout 2020 comparing myself to others when I said that wasn’t what I was doing, of course. The List took me all the way down Kanan Dume, up PCH to Zuma and back down to the California Incline - never once looking at the ocean. Making The List made me feel like I was DOING SOMETHING about The List.
But here’s the greater purpose of The List - it lets me think instead of feel. It lets me come up with a plan, find some order, and have some control - and after surviving a year where I felt none of those things, making The List tricks me into feeling safe and certain as I go into 2021.
Because making The List is never about The List - it’s about the feelings The List is trying to drown out, the emotions we’re trying not to feel and the things we’re trying to control by inventorying the un-inventoryable. Because? We’re not reliable narrators, by the way. This List? Is probably 80% not even your list. It’s a list more about who you think you need to be to be good, loved and important.
So, maybe this year, it’s about setting an alarm for one minute and writing 20 things as fast as you can that you’d love to do in 2021. Like big, little, and medium things. All of it. “Drink homemade hot chocolate” or “hang art in the bathroom” or even “plan a trip to Scotland.” What if that’s all we did? And then take that list and put it up on your fridge to remind you that more than anything - 2021 is another year that we get to live.
To quote Mary Oliver, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Me? I plan to LIVE IT.
What about you?
***
Time to Write: I’m going to be taking this newsletter down to once a month. So the next one will be January 25th. Book Nine needs my attention and I am so excited and emotional that I am finally able to give it. Thank you for letting me write to you every week. It’s because of you that I’m finally able to get lost into this book’s big, wonderful world and inhabit these characters in this new story. I am eternally grateful. ❤️❤️❤️
Each month, I’ll gather:
❤️funny tweets
🤩stuff to watch, read and listen to
🤝great follows on social media
🌈 music to soothe
🕯calming things
*****
Please think about finding your local food bank and give whatever you can spare. If you’re in LA, here’s a place to start or here.
❤️
🤩
Welp. Soul wrecked me. Just… get ready.
I listened to three episodes of Brené Brown’s Unlocking Us podcast this last week. This one and this one were incredible, but THIS one with Elizabeth Lesser on the Power of Women’s Stories was… a true goosebump/gut punch extravaganza.
I really loved the Norwegian series, Home for Christmas. It feels like a cross between Fleabag + Christmas Time. (and just like Fleabag, the second season really shines) AND? The music is so good and oh look someone compiled a Spotify playlist for it.
Every year my friend and I challenge each other to make a 60-90 minute long playlist that acts as a sort of Time Capsule of the year - the last track being what we hope for next year. And every year, I’m shocked at what an emotional- and cathartic - task this inevitably becomes. Here’s mine for this year. You should try it!
🤝
Follow Ashley Johnson for truly enviable home design, gorgeous photographs and to witness someone doing all those cool DIY home things you’ve seen on the internet.
Follow Bridgette Bianca for amazing book recommendations, really great insight into the life of a tenured professor and breathtaking poetry.
Follow Ceramic Arts Network for an embarrassment of riches of ceramic accounts and artists.
🌈
🕯
I love following Dr. Mariel Buquè on Instagram, but really loved this tutorial on making your own Facial Steam At Home — as well as this one for her Soothing Shower Melts.
This is the single best camisole I’ve ever owned. I’ve worn the SHIT out of it throughout this year and it looks and feels like new. It’s a steep price tag - especially for a tank - but all you’ll need is one for forever.
One of my favorite things I ate when I visited Sweden last year was cloudberry jam. Oh my god, it’s so good - it tastes like a bright, velvetty cloud! I mentioned it to my sister once this entire year, so of course she tracked it down and got it for me for Christmas.
For my mom’s Christmas gift, my niece commissioned THIS charcuterie board with a California cut-out in it from this wonderful artisan. It was seriously gorgeous.