Be Your Own Alfred
Good Morning you harvesty, spooky tryers.
As things slowed down at the beginning of this pandemic, I started to sense this dark corner of myself becoming more and more pronounced. I came to think of it as that one house in your neighborhood that feels just a litttttle bit haunted. Cast in shadow, overgrown, and no one really going in or out, you rush past it muttering some incantation under your breath, hoping it’ll gain you safe passage. The thing is, that Haunted House was always in my neighborhood, but because of how I lived my life - caught up in the grind, rushing everywhere, numbing and borrowing drama - the Haunted House remained blurry.
But, with every passing month of this pandemic - and all of the trauma and tragedy that has shaken loose in the course of this year - that Haunted House is now right next door and I’m constantly worried that I’m on the cusp of getting sucked inside and becoming a ghost of myself.
Looking for guidance, I turned to that Authoritative Voice inside of me who has, historically, been very confident that it had The “Right” Way of Doing Things. It “suggested” I do a very calculated, data-driven checklist to keep from getting sucked inside the Haunted House. But, as I tried to execute the very calculated, data-driven checklist, that Authoritative Voice wouldn’t stop judging on how I did it: “No! Eating well doesn’t mean THAT, it means THIS and you not choosing THIS means that maybe you’re not as committed to steering clear of that Haunted House as you say you are.”
As usual, I was never quite good enough for the Authoritative Voice.
Then, in late April, I bought this iced tea I really loved. I made a batch, put it in the fridge and - no matter what - a glass of it could make me feel a little bit better even for just a moment. Which is when another little voice gently suggested that maybe I try to have a pitcher of that iced tea in the fridge, simply because it made me feel good.
But, that voice wasn’t authoritative or judgmental… it felt loving. It was gentle. It cared about me. And that? Was when the revolution started.
I started putting the iced tea in a special glass. Then I started putting that special glass onto a coaster given to me by a friend for my birthday. And then one day I caught a glimpse of myself lovingly pouring that iced tea into that special glass and carefully setting it on the coaster before I started work and thought… I look like Alfred setting up Bruce Wayne’s desk in the morning, thoughtfully making sure he has everything he needs to save the world.
And THAT is when it all came together.
In the past, when I looked for guidance within, the voice that answered was RARELY loving. In fact, sadly, it was withholding, cruel and laced with disdain. “If you were more disciplined…” “If you really wanted it…” and my personal favorite, “If you were a better person, this wouldn’t be so difficult.” But, what became clear - as 2020 dug its claws deeper into each one of us - was that if I had continued to listen to that Authoritative Voice, I would have been lost deep inside the Haunted House a long time ago.
Every day is its own Everest certainly, but at least now I can look around and see the evidence of how, acting as my own Personal Alfred, I am lovingly taking care of myself. From the iced tea in my special glass, to the cinnamon in my coffee beans, to the made bed and the text threads filled with hilarious gifs all the way to the Wildberry Lavender Jeni’s ice cream, the wafting music, the repeat viewings of the Great British Baking Show, the brown sweater on the back of my chair and the bonus free time that comes from saying no to the things I don’t have the time or energy to do.
Because, in the end, it’s not about the iced tea. It’s about us finally showing up for ourselves. Unconditionally.
Each Monday morning, I’ll gather:
❤️good tweets
🤩stuff to watch, read and listen to
🤝great follows on social media
🌈 music to soothe
🕯calming things
*****
❤️
🤩
This is a collection of Sounds of The Forest gathered from around the world and organized on a map so you can see where the different snippets of beautiful are from. (thank you to Joe for this one)
This compilation of sped up astronauts on the moon is pure joy. THE FALLS ALONE.
I really loved this Threshold Podcast with ornithologist and Clemson University professor Dr. J. Drew Lanham.
I’ve been loving Edith Zimmerman’s newsletter - her stories and drawings have been consistently real and wonderful. In her latest one, she talks about this ASMR video she listened to to help with anxiety and sleep. Here is that video for those in need.
I just keep watching Jack White’s SNL performance of Lazaretto over and over…
🤝
Follow Bisa Butler for beautiful art. (thank you to Leila for this one)
Follow Simone Leigh for extraordinary art, art history and celebrate along with her for being the first Black American woman to occupy the American Pavilion for the 58th La Biennale di Venezia.
Follow Jahari Jacobs for that Plant Lady life.
🌈
(thank you to Daniel for that ^ one)
🕯
So, this is the next sleepy time tea I’m going to try. Peace in a teacup? WE SHALL SEE ABOUT THAT.
I’m VERY intrigued by everything this paper artist makes. I mean, a teeny tiny paper Monstera? COME ON.
I loved this sound bath by Phyllicia Bonanno that Loveland Foundation held for World Mental Health Awareness Day.